How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
