Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
