Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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