good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
