you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
