Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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