I feel like I'm in dance class right now
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
