He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
