It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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