Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
