You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
