respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
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Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
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I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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