Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
