two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
