oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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