You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
