yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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