what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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