Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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