I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
