Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
