Please don't use social media to get back at me.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
