Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
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He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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