I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
