I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
the gays at disneyland are vicious
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
