i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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