Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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