My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
