I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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