I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
