We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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