i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
