took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
