Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i would punch a child for taco bell
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
