i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
