I'm lost and stupid without you.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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