I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
