a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
