When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
