was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
