My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
