lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
