I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
