At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
