he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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