I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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