I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
