making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I forget how to act sober
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
