I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
