I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Sorry about my life...
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
