if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
