i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
