finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
