Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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