I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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