my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
