I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
