i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
