considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
