You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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