Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
