So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
