No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
