At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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