Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
