Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
