There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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