But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
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I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
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Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
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