I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
