I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
