you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
