I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
