I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
