I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
