): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
