There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
