When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
