Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
