can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
