Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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