Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
