Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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