hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
