pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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